Taken from the
“The Long Road Home”
Having this opportunity to reflect on my life I now better realise that I was so fortunate to have been gifted with so many experiences, each shaping my own development and resulting in the person I would become. Being born in post war Britain when poverty was still common place, into a Christian Family, and one of four boys helped me to appreciate the value of sharing the importance of friendships and the values that are learnt from family, each of these would help to provide me with a moral code that has stayed with me throughout my life. This doesn’t mean that I was a saint that would be far from the truth, I have made so many mistakes and have so many regrets but the appreciation of right and wrong I hope has always ensured that I was aware of my shortcomings and I am thankful that I was always given the choice to change.
Little did I know the impact that losing the sight in my eye as a child would have on my early development, a lack of depth perception would mean that everyday tasks such as classroom learning would be much more difficult and with reduced peripheral vision meant that simple tasks such a crossing the street or even looking over your shoulder would become challenging.
Who would have thought that Filmmakers, Cinema and the public would embrace a visual cinematic world of 3D and CGI would lead the development of three dimensional set design, opening up so many opportunities to explore new worlds, sadly much of this is missed from someone who has only monocular vision and strange that I should choose a profession that was so dependent on stereoscopic vision. It seems strange then that no one ever questioned the impact injuries such as these have had on our lives or the restrictions it places upon you, opticians have said on many occasions that only having the sight in one eye is not classed as partially sighted, which still leaves me confused? If only one eye of two is working it would appear logical that the result is partial.
It was the late Prof Richard Gregory writing in his book the Eye and Brain “Psychology of Seeing” who established that in experiments on similar people as myself, had I not been given an eye patch for an extended period of time then vision may have returned to normal or at least have been partially restored. He concluded from his research that the real damage was not to the eye but to the brain, maybe that’s been the problem it wasn’t that I was partially sighted, maybe it was brain damage? Whatever the eventual diagnosis until we are able to offer more positive solutions, accidents such as these will continue to happen and will continue to have an impact on our own development. Thankfully research into areas such as these are moving forward at a rapid pace and resolutions becoming better understood, the future is looking far more positive and organisations such as Sightsavers are continuing to raise public awareness of the impact the loss of sight can have not only on individuals but also families.
It would be wrong of me to place too much emphasis on my accident as a reason for my lack of academic ability, missing schooling would certainly have set back my development but also the manner in which schooling was delivered and the intolerance for my inability must also be apportioned much of the responsibility for what transpired. Sadly little progress would appear to have been made into bullying, an area that also had an adverse effect on my early years, this has once again been in the news recently as more and more historic cases are identified. Today the problem has been further highlighted with the growing difficulties that people suffer from the cyber bully, the National centre for Educational Statistics reported that nationwide about 12% of students aged 12-18 experienced bullying. The impact that this has on your life can be devastating and follows the same pattern and consequence as my own, running away from home, missing school, receiving poor grades, low self-esteem and people who suffer from bullying have been identified as having more health problems. Further concerning is the consequences that running away from home can have on young people, opening them up to further abuse through vulnerability. To say that I became homophobic after suffering in this way would infer that I was hostile to people who were gay which wasn’t the case, but I accept that I did avoid having contact with them if it was possible; which lasted for nearly 30 years.
Bullying often focuses on young people but sadly it continues to be an area of concern for people of all ages and occupations, a poll carried out by YouGov for the TUC in 2015 showed that over a third of people (29%) have been bullied at work, surely this is unacceptable and a greater focus should be placed on identifying why this not only happens but continues to be allowed to happen. My own experience has been that I have seen bullying and also suffered at the hands of bullies in the workplace, despite on many occasions bringing this to the attention of management it remained unchecked.
Regardless of these early setbacks I am here today fuelled with the same dreams, desires and passion for life that I have held for over half a century, many of my early ambitions have been fulfilled and have been replaced by others, some remain outstanding awaiting their moment. It’s these moments that have given me strength and built a confidence to continue shaping my own development, influencing my own personal journey.
As I have grown older I have come to better understand that it is the sum of all these experiences that form the building blocks making up the character of each of us, the people we become, inform the decisions we make and the directions we will take through the signposts we choose to follow, on our own personal journey throughout our lives.
I believe that if we stay strong and keep faith in our own ambitions we can find reward, I may never fully achieve all of my own dreams but I have always maintained that I refuse to reach the end of my journey wondering “What If”
My journey and the experiences that it has given me differ little from many other people that have gone before and many more that will follow, how we use the experience, how we react and interact with the challenges we face through these experiences I believe has been the key to my own self-fulfilment.
Little did I know when I was gifted a book; ‘The Most Beautiful Women, it would change my life and in that one, defining moment when I took the decision to buy my first camera it would open up so many opportunities.
Photography not only allowed me to create my own pictures and show others the way I viewed the world but also became a means of personal therapy; acting as a conduit allowing me to address many of my own issues. Whilst taking those early pictures; for the first time I remember feeling that the world became a much more level playing field, I no longer felt I was being judged on my ability to read or write, that I wasn’t being looked down on because of my obvious insecurities, now the image became the focus of the aesthetic process and was both subjective and more difficult to judge, this wasn’t the truth of course but from those early aspirations was born ambition. Once conquered the camera became the tool that would allow me to Photograph some of my own heroes, to appreciate the world around me and to travel the world experiencing many other cultures, introducing me to people from the slums of Bangkok to the Aristocrats of England, it provided me with the opportunity to revisit my past and an attempt to make sense of the many fears and phobias that I have constantly held some of them since childhood and eventually opened up a pathway into teaching that otherwise would have been extremely difficult.
Through teaching I learnt to use my own experiences to inform others and this provided me with the opportunity to influence the development and nurture the ambitions of likeminded people. This has left me with the most wonderful memories of all the students I had the pleasure to teach. I have often said that if I look back at a photograph even after all these years, I can still remember the moment I pressed the shutter; now past students have become like photographs themselves, meeting them I may not remember their names (which I never could) but I am instantly taken back to the time we spent together and the challenges and successes each of them faced. It has been rewarding to follow the progress of many of them and I am so proud to have shared a fleeting moment in their own development and gain an insight into their own personal achievements.
And so as I sit and reflect, there are times when if I closed my eyes, I still find myself reliving those memories from so many years ago, through consideration I have come to realise that each of us have moments in our lives that define who we are, what we choose to do. The sum of both my own experiences and also those of others have defined my life; I have often said the students I met taught so much more than I taught them. I have now come to better understand that we are all connected and that we are all able to bring a value to each other.
When I took the decision to retire, I knew that it was time once again re-evaluate my own life
I am conscious that the book may be seen as a record of achievement this is not the case, hopefully it’s appreciated as a record of celebration, an offering of hope to anyone feeling disadvantaged as they travel on their own personal journey and a realisation that anything is possible if you believe. I have been so fortunate to meet so many influential people in my life some that had a profound effect on my own development unknowingly shaping and forming the character I have become. If there was one great lesson I learnt from my own journey it’s that regardless of status, wealth, religion, colour or belief we are all just people.
Whilst this is the final chapter of the Long Road Home it is also the start of the next, my written skills may have only slightly improved since those early years, but writing down my memories of a long and fulfilled life has only inspired me to start the next, what will it be? I don’t know. I have most recently returned to taking pictures for nothing other than the personal satisfaction it gives me. The subject matter has been as diverse as Benches and the pleasure these pieces of simple furniture bring to our lives; to the lost airfields of World War 11. I continue to speak at public events about my life in the hope that it motivates others and I have recently been asked to curate an exhibition for my great friend Peter in Malta, which presents a challenge and a venture into an area I have only limited experience. I have made a promise to return to India to meet and spend time with the many friends I have neglected since writing this book and whom I owe so much. They have continued to show me the importance of friendship, tolerance and humility even in the most difficult of times.
Gemma remains as enthusiastic about the outdoors as she has ever been and keeps me feeling young by challenging me to the most arduous of bike rides, kayaking adventures and most recently fishing trips in the Lochs of Scotland in our recently purchased Canadian canoe, I really appreciate the time we spend together on these adventures and its only after the event that I realise I am starting to feel old.
Carolyn remains one of my closest and dearest friends who has shown great patience and restraint whilst trying to teach me about social media, when she left teaching she opened up her own Art & Design company but is never too busy to provide all the artwork for my own ventures, we still get together most weekends and she continues to use pepper in her Bolognese sauce.
I still see Andy from time to time, we worked together for so many years in teaching and shared so many fond memories, he still remains in teaching at the same College as we both worked together for over twenty years and he still remains one of the most informed teachers I have known in Photographic practice.
Suzi as always supports whatever the next hair brained idea I come up with and has always been the levelling influence in my life, I would have never achieved any of my ambitions without her constant support and encouragement, we still go away at every opportunity and we continue to share our lives and our passion for photography together.
For me, I still meet from time to time with that young boy who ran away from home and I knew so many years ago, we still walk hand in hand and whilst the memories he holds may have faded with time for me they never really disappear.